


Clownfish

by ThatHalGuy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2015-05-21
Packaged: 2018-03-31 15:37:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3983530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatHalGuy/pseuds/ThatHalGuy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her Imperious Condescension is in need of something useful. Or rather, someone. Only one troll will meet her standards, take delight in the brutal orders he's given, and be capricious enough to keep his Empress amused while she conquers the vastness of the universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gone Fishing

**Author's Note:**

> These are mostly just snapshots, since I didn't want it becoming too long and drawn out and lose steam before it was finished.
> 
> No real relationships or anything, more like an excuse to explore a weird scenario and abuse the amount of fish puns I can cram into a sentence.

The Dark Carnival was Highblood territory. No one dared enter those tents unless they had a death wish or the power to stay the bloodlust of the purple-blooded trolls. Her Imperious Condescension had the latter in spades. She strode into the Carnival like she owned the smoky, Faygo-scented tents, stained with a rainbow of colors, and reeking of death under the sugary swill they were addicted to. The land dwelling highbloods watched her intently as she moved through the darkened pathway, her fuchsia gaze raking over the enormous bodies, the clubs and knives and other circus toys repurposed into a deadly arsenal, and the hungry gazes leering back at her. All deadly, but none what she was after. She bypassed the largest tent, the massive troll enthroned on the bones of his victims not her target today. Instead she moved to a rarely-visited area of the Carnival, where the younger highbloods were kept away from their capriciously murderous elders to train and fight and kill, until they were strong enough to take their place in the Carnival with the others. Normally she ignored the young killers, except to glance over them and see that her potential Laughsassins and Subjugglators were being trained properly. Today, she would watch them closely.

She slipped into the main tent where the young trolls trained, their numbers and ages always varied when she came here, but today there seemed to be about fifteen, all around six sweeps old, huddled in the middle of the room, trapped there by a ring of six, maybe nine sweeps old. The tallest of the older ones caught her eye from where he stood back from the other five to watch. His twisting horns were far too reminiscent of her aggravating Subjugglator leader, and his hair, while not nearly as long, was curly enough to make a shaggy mane around his head. She watched him closely as the young clown-worshipers taunted and jeered the huddled group, menacing them with their improvised weapons and keeping the younger ones from bolting to freedom.

One of the smallest in the trapped group tried to grab a weapon away from their tormenters and fight back, growling and baring her teeth, but she was only yanked away from the rest and held by her throat, ready to be killed. The Condesce saw the too-familiar troll uncross his arms, a whip falling free of its coils in his hand. The chosen weapon surprised her, she had assumed he would go for a club like his elder, but when his arm snapped out and the leather whip cracked against the aggressor's back, she smirked. There was an ease to his movement, the whip was an excellent choice for him. The young victim was dropped with a howl of pain, the older troll rounding on the tallest to snarl at him,

'What the motherfuck, Makara?!' He demanded, 'The motherfucker deserved it!!'

Makara. So he was his descendent. It left a bitter taste in her mouth, but he had a composure to him, unlike his violent ancestor.

'A mirthless death.' He said coolly, and the deep tones resonated through the air, 'If it ain't motherfuckin funny, the Messiahs call it blasphemy.'

The other trolls grimaced with reluctant agreement, and Condesce scoffed quietly. Just what she needed, another religious zealot. Even with his differences, he was still a Makara. She crossed her arms, watching them taunt the young trolls until their desperation pushed them to make a break for escape all at once, the older clowns laughing and chasing them in different directions. The young Makara watched, catching sight of the fuchsia ruler and staring at her. She could see the stupid facepaint he wore, reminiscent of a skull, and it made his face even more gaunt amidst his hair. His skeletal outfit added to the effect, even with the stupid purple trousers he wore over it. She watched him in return, and he smirked, tipping his head up some, which made her fins flare slightly. Coddamn Makaras and their disrespect for authority.

The youth's eyes began to glow the telltale purple of his psychic power, and she felt the ripple of something reaching for her mind. The punk thought he could reach her thoughts? Might as well show him what he was up against. He grimaced when his questing was met with the snarl of Gl'bgolyb, warning him not to mess with her charge, which made the Condesce smirk. He left her alone, and the Empress watched the rest of the murderous clowns come to a stop as their minds were claimed and bodies controlled. She nodded to herself, striding forward to grab the tall youth's arm and pull him back to the entrance,

'You're comin with me, Clownfish.' She ordered, ignoring his surprise and dragging him out of the Carnival. She took him back to her battleship, pulling out a bright pink collar with gold studs, forcing the purple-blood's head up to put it around his neck and lock it in place with a golden lock, twirling the key around her fingers and smirking down at the indignant highblood glaring at her, 'From now on, you are my oarfishshoal royal pet, motherglubber.'


	2. Lion Tamer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting a Makara to accept the role he's been put in isn't easy. However the Condesce has just the thing to catch his interest and get him to obey.

Having the highblood as a pet was a challenge in and of itself. He didn't like being caged, and fought tooth and claw to try and get the collar off his neck and get away from his new owner. The Empress took morbid delight in watching him get chained to the wall by his new accessory and then try to yank the chain off. Only after a week of wearing him down with little food and watching his rage burn up his energy did she allow him to be unchained, sitting him in her lap while she lounged on her battleship's throne, petting his hair. He snarled and bared his teeth at her, only to gasp when she yanked on his hair sharply,

'Silence.' She commanded, glaring back at him, 'If you behave, you'll be given more leniensea.'

He narrowed his eyes at her, bristling and growling,

'I ain't motherfuckin silent for just anybody.' He retorted, drawing a scoff and smirk from her,

'Good. Because you're _my_ pet, and you'll only take orders from me.'

She ran a hand through his messy hair, and he winced when her nails caught some tangles, but didn't argue further, just crossing his arms and glaring at the wall. The Condesce smirked, getting comfy with her new pet and watching him flinch each time she tugged out a tangle in his hair.

The next time she had issues with him, was when she discovered he'd apparently taken to passing the nights by filling her lowblood crew's minds with hellish nightmares that left them screaming in the early hours, and skittish and jumpy while they worked. She smacked him upside the head when she heard the distant screaming of one of the lowbloods, setting the tip of her trident at his throat,

'Enough, Clownfish.' He looked up at her, disregarding the heavy gold weapon threatening to kill him, 'Go to sleep.'

'I'm having fun.' He countered, and she narrowed her eyes,

'You're making them ineffishent at their jobs.'

'Then they ain't good enough at their jobs.' He winced when the sharp point dug into his skin a bit, her fins flaring some,

'Leave the shrimp alone. I have better fins for you to do with those skrills.' He raised an eyebrow, silently questioning, 'You're gonna put those chucklevoodoos to work in my conchquests of other planets.'

He considered it, then grinned darkly, nodding and pushing her trident away,

'Sounds amusing. I'll leave your slaves alone then.' She nodded, turning away to go to her room, leaving him to sleep. They were approaching a new planet, and she wanted to test his mind control on the unsuspecting race.

She landed on the planet, her clown pet at her side, scanning the creatures before her. They looked ready to fight at the slightest hint of aggression, so she kept her trident at her side, speaking clearly to the crowd that was gathering that she wanted to meet their leader. They shuffled and muttered to themselves, one coming forward, scowling.

'Go away. We've heard about you. Go away and leave us alone.' The Condesce looked down at the shorter alien, scoffing and glancing at her pet, whose eyes were already glowing. He smirked, growling low in his throat, the resonance pulling their attention to him, making them succumb to his control, bowing to the Empress, 'Please let us serve you.'

'Much better. Bring me everyfin of value.' She instructed, and they scattered, rushing to spread the clown's influence and get the rest of the species scrambling to obey her whims. 'Whale done, Clownfish. You make a fine lionfish-tamer.' He grinned, bowing a bit to accept the praise smugly.


	3. Bait and Trap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every sweep the Condesce likes to ensure that her subjects are still loyal. This time she'll have some leverage to get her most unpredictable faction to submit.

The next time the Condesce went back to Alternia, she had a mission in mind. She needed to ensure her various groups were still loyal to her, though the lower blood castes weren't hard to sway, and the Orphaners readily submitted with only a small show of power. It was her wildcards that needed the most work. She brought her pet along, keeping him on a chain leash. His powers had gotten much stronger with how much work she'd put on them to control countless races and species, and she wanted to see how well he could do against much older higbloods, like his ancestor. This time she strode into the enormous troll's tent without hesitation, her lanky clown following beside her. The Grand Highblood's glare shifted from the Empress to the troll beside her, narrowing his eyes with a snarl,

'Kurloz. And here I'd thought your shitty ass had been killed. What's that motherfucking noise around your neck?'

'My collar.' The Condesce answered simply, tugging on his leash slightly to bring him closer, 'Your desandant is my pet.'

The oversized troll snarled, heaving himself up out of his throne of bloody bones, towering over Kurloz and the Condesce, who just looked up at him, unimpressed,

'You take one of my motherfuckin carnies without my permission?!' He roared, but she only crossed her arms and scoffed,

'I'll take waterebber I coddamn please, Mackerel.' The name made him snarl again, and she smirked, 'He's become reely useful in kelpin me claim moar territory in the galaxy.' The furious highblood lunged for her, only to stumble back when Kurloz's whip cracked in front of his face, the Condesce grinning smugly and petting the shorter Makara's hair, 'Good buoy, Clownfish. Bring the others.' He hummed in agreement, his eyes flaring a radiant purple, cracking his whip and grinning as the rest of the highbloods entered the bloody tent, weapons in hand, kneeling behind their Empress,

'You motherfucker...'

'Save it, Mackerel.' She snapped, standing tall, 'Where do your loyalties lie?' He growled, narrowing his eyes, but he couldn't break his descendent's control over the others, forcing him to slump down on his throne, glaring at her,

'With my Empress. As always.' He rumbled, and she smirked,

'Good. Come along, Clownfish. This place reeks.' He turned with the tug of his leash, following her, throwing one last smug look at his elder before the tent flap blocked his view and he let go of the control he had. It was too fun to watch the Highblood squirm.


	4. There's Always a Stronger Fish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the Condesce dead, the new Empress will have to bring the powerful troll's followers under her will. She can start with the fish that's been at her ancestor's side, expanding the empire with her.

Kurloz watched from the sidelines as the Condesce faced off against her Heiress, sitting back and enjoying the life or death battle as if it were a TV show rather than the uprising of a new Empress. He didn't care, really. He'd been with the Empress for a couple sweeps now, by Alternian time, and he was tired of the stupid fish puns and having to brush her copious amounts of hair every day. Sure, he got to murder and maim in the name of his Messiahs on her conquering spree, but even that got dull when there were so _many_ to kill. He left the thoughtless murder to the Threshecutioners, instead, just honing his chucklevoodoos into a deadlier psychological weapon to drive victims into blubbering, howling madness. It was far more satisfying to tear a mind asunder than to spill their casteless blood on the ground.

The purple blood perked up when the young Heiress finally knocked her ancestor's trident away, stabbing her squarely through the chest and finally felling her. Kurloz got up, strolling over and pulling out his whip, expertly flicking it to wrap around the Condescension's neck and yanking hard enough to hear the satisfying crack of bones ripped out of place and breaking. The young Empress glared at him for stealing her kill, but he paid her no mind, recoiling his whip and moving closer, stepping around the gold trident aimed at him to dip his fingers into the fuchsia blood pouring from the body,

'What are you doing?' The younger troll asked,

'Enjoying the one color my ancestor never painted on his walls.' He replied simply, using the bright pink hue to paint a clown grin on the dead Condesce's face. The new Empress stared at him, eying his fancy collar,

'You were her property?' Kurloz nodded, scratching at the lock keeping it on him, '...Whale, you'll be mine now.' He stopped painting, looking up at her and raising an eyebrow,

'It's gonna take more than that to make me listen to you, Princess.' He replied, getting up to stand over her, the fuchsia troll grinning to show off shark-like teeth, raising her trident slightly,

'Is that a challenge, clownfish?'


End file.
